I return back to the blog. Why. Because I find people out there too dangerous to believe in. I have no faith in the people who surround me; live with me; who work and play with me. It is mainly all a facade. I find it so saddening that I have to live with such a fact.

I am always constantly searching for those who are true to me; friends, friends whom I can trust. Love all, trust a few. Those that I trust are not with me. They were friends I knew from years ago, and know they are elsewhere, unable to be by my side to tide me through the times. These are the true friends that I will trust forever. I am willing to share my deepest secrets and thoughts, knowing that they will never betray me. I am really sad that I have not been able to find any true friends here yet. And I don't think that chance will come anytime soon. Please, even the best friend that I have here...I can't seem to trust him completely yet. His behavior and reaction shakes my thinking of him; I can't trust him yet. But yet I still cling on because, in relative terms, he is truest. I need someone, that I can share my feelings with, someone who can keep my secrets well, someone who will never betray me, someone who will offer me true genuine encouragement.

This school. Too much competition. Too many foxes. Too many wolves in sheep's clothing. Nobody sleeps here. 3 am and you still see people studying in the classrooms. And they think I am mad, I am weird. Screw all of them; I am starting to write people off my mind as friends: Those who fail to acknowledge my presence. Those who blatantly ignore me. Those who try so hard to maintain an un-awkward situation even though deep in their hearts they truly know that they don't want to be friends with me anymore. Some of you I can forgive, I would put the blame on the terrible culture here, but for the rest, I can't put up with this facade anymore. Im exhausted.

Foxes, wolves in sheep's clothing, a plenty. But I only wish to speak specifically of 2 which I find the worst of the lot. One was from Delta. Sneaky as hell. Friends with him before the struggle started, but he wasn't like that back then. I was pretty neutral to him anyway. But now, with the introduction of the female gender into the pool, you could literally see his horns growing out of his head. Everytime I see him, I see those horns, his eyes red with lust and his teeth - vampiric canine teeth. Evil and lustful aura surrounds him. He preys on every girl he sees. And for the worst part of it, the girls are somehow entranced by him. I can't tell; are the girls just as horny, or are they seriously hypnotised. Come on, the truth is no guy would be so good to you, unless he genuinely likes you. But, a guy who genuinely likes multiple girls at one time...isn't really genuinely liking them right? You get the drift.  Obviously he has turned into some pervert pouncing on every girl he sees. Sadly, he has once tore my heart with jealousy too; he once kept flirting with that girl I liked and I swear I felt like the world was ending once I saw him touching her. I almost wanted to kill him. It's good that some of the girls him start to realise his horniness. Im glad that there really is some sort of poetic justice.

The other was from Epsilon. Sneaky bastard, thinks no one knows his intentions. Also horny too. Please, I am a guy, of course I know what the hell you are thinking. And so I believe the girl I liked likes you, but so what, I have already chosen to forget her. Continuing to like her will only kill me; I cannot imagine the pool of jealousy I would be swimming in thinking about how that idiot is flirting with her. To hell with you. I cannot understand why you would hang out with him. I always think you are young, immature, unappreciative of the greater thoughts. I symphatise for you. But sadly, there is nothing I can do to help you if you wouldn't listen. I cry some nights, thinking why I do so much for you. I want to stop this. As for number 2, you can hang out with him for all I care. One day when he betrays you and you come running to me for help, I will be really sorry that I will not do anything to help you. You once hurt me, I cannot help someone who once hurt me so bad. Number 2, you had better stay away from my other friend. She's close to me and I will protect her. Don't act like you are friendly and all. The first time I saw you, I had a bad impression. You are an ignorant bastard, haughty, trying to show off what little strength you have. Of course, you eventually gave up when you saw my status. But I don't care about that, just lay your hands of my friend. Stay away.

Today, there was supposed to be a photo shoot for the dance group. And so, I was told to wear my performance attire for it. Which I did. I waited there, seeing the others putting on make up, getting ready for the shoot. And what happened? They continued on without a few of us. Weren't we part of the team? How could they neglect us? So what if 'there were already enough people' needed for the shoot. Bullocks. I was waiting, we were waiting. Giving them one last chance to redeem themselves. The president, all dressed and finished some shots, turned around and looked at us. Then he said: "Actually I do not need you all anymore, you can leave.". When I heard that, I was extremely disappointed. No words could possibly describe the disappointment I was feeling. Of course, my other friends who were in the same boat as me just accepted it. They didn't have as much conviction. I, on the other hand, could not accept it. I left the studio, and hence told myself, it was time to quit the group. How could the president of the group say such a thing? How could he not consider the overall feelings of every member in the group? That's not how you function as a president. He didn't deserve my respect at all. I thought he was respectable at first, but now, no. It was high time I leave the group. I cannot stay on with people who don't appreciate the work which I have contributed. I won't have regrets. After all, I did join the group because of her, but now, I have also chose to forget her anyway, so whats the big deal. Leave.

I am sitting in my classroom as I type this. Nothing strange, of course it is strange - it's recess week. What the hell am I doing in my classroom? Nope, not really strange. My whole class was here this morning, all doing their projects. Isn't it crazy? Sigh. What can I do. If I don't make the mark for this term, I should be leaving the school. I don't think I can carry on here anymore.

All I ever wanted was a better social culture, someone whom I can completely trust. Me, I bottle my feelings too much. I can't trust anyone. And with no one to trust, I will never let myself out. I can't even remember when was the last time I genuinely cried. We are humans, and crying is not necessarily a negative emotion. It's good to do so once in a while, it keeps your mind at ease. I want to cry it all out, the fools in this world who wouldn't listen, the people who keep trying to oppress me, the competition, the horrible culture, the crazy life I am currently in........

Will this stop?

God please guide me.