Then the worst thing happened. I was devastated to find out that a close friend of mine likes her. It was one of the worst things that ever happened to me (now you realise how shallow I am). It pains me to know that we are caught in a love triangle. I wasn't a person who would intentionally sow seeds of discord or steal a girl from my friend. I had my principles. If I had known earlier, I would never have chosen to hang out with her. But this girl...she had grown a plant on my heart, its roots were attached firmly. Every time I try to think about giving her up for my friend pains my heart so much, like I was trying to pull out this plant from my heart. I couldn't remove it so easily anymore. Her roots had grown too deeply in me. I fought with myself for days, trying to accept the fact that there was no going back, and it only grew worst when I could see his hate posted on his Facebook. I decided not to speak to him until I was back, for he made me so hurt, and I wouldn't be able to enjoy my time with her here. I consulted my closest friends on their opinions and one particular friend which I so learned to trust, told me that if you felt that you loved her, then you must do everything to win her over - if you gave her up for your friend, then you will regret it for life. I pulled myself together and turned my heart into stone closing the shutters on him momentarily, concentrating all my mind on her.

So a month before The Day, I made up my mind. I was so sure that she was the One; at least I had come to the conclusion that girls like her don't grow on trees, and the next time I would find someone like her would possibly be in my next life. My mind was set on chasing her. And there was no turning back for me. I was so committed to chasing her that I decided to start a document file to record every single thing that happened between her and I so that in the case I do get together with her, I would forever be able to remember the things she likes etc. She was everything to me now and I would not give up so easily.

And my rehearsals started; I prepared what I wanted to say to her, edited it now and then, rehearsing it in my mind when I had the time, all in preparation for the day where I would confess, though not knowing what day it was. I was halfway through my exchange trip with her and I needed to find the best moment to pop the question. But I kept telling myself, why confess to her when you know that you will never feel as happy as before? Because I knew I was going to chase her no matter the outcome, and our friendship is only still going to be a friendship as it is if I don't take a step forward. She was one who wasn't so easily convinced because of her principles. She told me that she wanted to focus on studying first before anything else. I knew about that, but I still chose to confess to her.

And so I did. And just as I had expected, she rejected me. Like I said, my feelings at that moment was completely different from the first. I was feeling very mature; though I felt saddened, it was a melancholic sadness. I eventually told her that I was willing to wait for her till she was ready. She accepted that comment, but told me to inform her if I should stop doing so. Of course I didn't say I would never do so, but I know deeply it would be highly, highly unlikely that that will happen. Unless she decides that she can't be with me for some reason.

I see her in school sometimes now, though we are in different classes. My friendship with my once-close friend (love rival) had been utterly demolished; just before my return from my exchange, I tried to reason out with her, telling him that we should meet up to resolve our differences, expressing how saddened I am at the impending loss of this once-good friend. He ignored me. I persisted, but eventually he chose to build the walls. So we no longer talk now. He has deleted my from Facebook (blocked me even). And I have learnt to stay away from an immature person such as him. The threat is still there though.

As of today, I am still writing diligently about her everyday in that document I started 6 months ago; and I will so long as I still have chances with her. I won't falter so easily.

I don't even know why I am writing this at this time because I have homework to be done and I need to wake up early for school tomorrow. It seems this blogging thing compels me more than my homework.

I don't expect anyone to read this, though I would not stop them if they found out about this blog.

Maybe I will tell the person at my deathbed regarding the existence of this blog, at least they will have an idea of my private life.

Hope to write more soon.

Out